Everything is just a front

Hey.

Lets backtrack a lil bit.
I quit cavern. Alex and I broke up.
Life goes on ya know....?

See, not everything in my life is how I want it to be. ( yours too )
It has been this way for a very long time. I have never gotten what I wanted.
I wanted very much to finish school, I didnt.
I wanted very much to have a proper job, I didnt. How can I when I didnt finish school right ? Silly.
And I want very much for a baby girl. Again, very silly.
So now I guess I have to start all over. Fine. So i'll take my o'levels next year, have a stupid job in the meantime for me to get by so I dont starve to death. Im already very sickly looking. I feel disgusted looking at the mirror sometimes.

Ok, so how am I gonna get through this with so many distractions around ? I just will.
Love. Never asked for it, never wanted it since I was....what 19 ?
Freaking cupids. They keep shooting to the wrong person. If you really have to shoot those bloody arrows, cant I just have someone normal ? Someone who will accept me for who I am, share the same interest as I do, hold me when I cry, vacuum when I tell him to and be in the same country as I am. No dramas or whatsoever.
FYI, cupids are at it again. I can feel it.

Im waiting to start work. Im going to turn things around.
I will have everything I want by the time Im 25. Except for the man I want to be with, whoever he is. Maybe he doesnt love me back ya know. These things takes 2 hands to clap. :) So other than that, everything by the time I turn 25. OH! And also the baby part, that can wait too.

Everything is just a front. Well, not everything. Just most of them.
Love,


Nisa