hey.

hehheheh. I dreamt of you last night. I woke up so very happy.
actually not really because i know it'll never happen.
but at least in my dreams it felt great. you're so cute :)

You cooked dinner. A surprise dinner date. Candles, wines and all.

So cute. :)


Nisa

Hey.

your lips utter lies.

You think Im blind. I was playing along. I always play along. :)


Nisa

Booo 2009

Hey.

So 2010 is coming. 2009 went by just like that. I achieved nothing, nothing at all.
But I did go to Bangkok and Dubai twice, Bali and Scotland. :)
I dont think that is gonna happen again. 2010 is a busy year, I hope.I dont like too much free time. I plan to take my o'levels, work super hard, continue my driving lessons, squeeze in short trips away and gain some weight:). Im thinking I should learn to sew. I definitely have to to party less. I might even scrap Big Wednesdays. I'll have chill-out nights at home with beers and movies and have pizzas delivered. (my 3 favourite things now that im jobless :P)

If I decide not to move in with my parents in Johor, I'll have to look for my own place. Rents aren't cheap and I hate the idea of paying for something thats not mine but I also hate travelling in and out of Singapore everyday. I have 6 months to save up and make my big decision. I like my privacy, I wanna have my own place and do whatever I like with it. The only thing that worries me is sleeping alone in the dark. Candles ? Ok, I have 6 months to work on that. OR! I can find a boyfriend and make him move in with me! :D Then again, in 6 months ? Not happening.

I cant wait for 2010. 2009 has been mean :( Gave me things I didnt ask and taking it back just as Im getting comfortable and attached to it.

Booo 2009.


Nisa

Everything is just a front

Hey.

Lets backtrack a lil bit.
I quit cavern. Alex and I broke up.
Life goes on ya know....?

See, not everything in my life is how I want it to be. ( yours too )
It has been this way for a very long time. I have never gotten what I wanted.
I wanted very much to finish school, I didnt.
I wanted very much to have a proper job, I didnt. How can I when I didnt finish school right ? Silly.
And I want very much for a baby girl. Again, very silly.
So now I guess I have to start all over. Fine. So i'll take my o'levels next year, have a stupid job in the meantime for me to get by so I dont starve to death. Im already very sickly looking. I feel disgusted looking at the mirror sometimes.

Ok, so how am I gonna get through this with so many distractions around ? I just will.
Love. Never asked for it, never wanted it since I was....what 19 ?
Freaking cupids. They keep shooting to the wrong person. If you really have to shoot those bloody arrows, cant I just have someone normal ? Someone who will accept me for who I am, share the same interest as I do, hold me when I cry, vacuum when I tell him to and be in the same country as I am. No dramas or whatsoever.
FYI, cupids are at it again. I can feel it.

Im waiting to start work. Im going to turn things around.
I will have everything I want by the time Im 25. Except for the man I want to be with, whoever he is. Maybe he doesnt love me back ya know. These things takes 2 hands to clap. :) So other than that, everything by the time I turn 25. OH! And also the baby part, that can wait too.

Everything is just a front. Well, not everything. Just most of them.
Love,


Nisa